I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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