I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
