One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
