my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
