3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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