i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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