Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's shark week go big or go home
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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