I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
