Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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