i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
