Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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