dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
