alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
