hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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