so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
