1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You can't special order awesome
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
