OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just googled if crying burns calories
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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