I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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