I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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