We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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