I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
