Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
