i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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