When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
