i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
