Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
