well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
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you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
