I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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