Whod you bang
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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