So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
