i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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