I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
