Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
