did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
