That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
