I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
