At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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