Where is the hickey?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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