My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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