and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
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Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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