And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
