Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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