It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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