Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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