After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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