i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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