She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize