oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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