yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
