Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
