um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
