We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My penis needs a shock collar
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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