Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
