I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
