Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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