imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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