I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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