Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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